Thursday, July 26, 2012
I have a new direction.
I decided there are a few things I wish to accomplish this year. One of them is to actually quit smoking.
In the past, I have blogged about my struggle with this addiction (let me tell you, it's a nasty addiction to have!). The other day I was lighting up a cigarette in the gazebo behind work, thinking about the fact that this is the college I attended and I cannot think of a single place (save a new building) where I don't have a memory of smoking by myself or with a friend. I barely got the cigarette lit when I realized, I don't want to do this anymore. I am finished with this habit. It's become this defining thing for me. I smoke everywhere. In the car, at work, at home on the porch... it's automatic for me. When there is nothing to do, grab a smoke. Why not? I put that cigarette out and walked away from the gazebo, leaving a full, barely-lit-before-being-stubbed-out cigarette in the ashtray.
That was three days ago. As of now, I haven't touched a cigarette since. It isn't easy. There are really tempting moments, when someone will offer me a smoke, or when I get disappointing news and all I want is to curl up on the porch and smoke my tears away. It was my emotional crutch and my physical "safety blanket".
I've been trying to quit for several months now. Usually, I pare down to one or two cigarettes a day, until something bad happens, and I shoot back to my usual four to six smokes a day. This is the first time since I was 17 that I have not had a cigarette for a full day... let alone three days!
These past three days have been difficult, but less so than I expected. The best part is, I don't physically crave it. I have more problems with my mental attachment than physical cravings. I haven't even been grouchy due to nicotine withdrawals or anything.
I was always told that you really have to WANT to quit in order to do so. I never had wanted to before, perhaps aiding in my previous failures to quit. But there are a lot of reasons that I should quit. Of course, my own health is one of them. And I want to have a family in the future. Not to mention I want to stick around for the family I already have. So for all these reasons and more, I remind myself of what I am gaining when I refuse to have a smoke.
What helped you drop a habit you may have had?