Actual Success!

I have a new direction.

I decided there are a few things I wish to accomplish this year.  One of them is to actually quit smoking.

In the past, I have blogged about my struggle with this addiction (let me tell you, it's a nasty addiction to have!).  The other day I was lighting up a cigarette in the gazebo behind work, thinking about the fact that this is the college I attended and I cannot think of a single place (save a new building) where I don't have a memory of smoking by myself or with a friend.  I barely got the cigarette lit when I realized, I don't want to do this anymore.  I am finished with this habit.  It's become this defining thing for me.  I smoke everywhere.  In the car, at work, at home on the porch... it's automatic for me.  When there is nothing to do, grab a smoke.  Why not?  I put that cigarette out and walked away from the gazebo, leaving a full, barely-lit-before-being-stubbed-out cigarette in the ashtray.

That was three days ago.  As of now, I haven't touched a cigarette since.  It isn't easy.  There are really tempting moments, when someone will offer me a smoke, or when I get disappointing news and all I want is to curl up on the porch and smoke my tears away.  It was my emotional crutch and my physical "safety blanket".

I've been trying to quit for several months now.  Usually, I pare down to one or two cigarettes a day, until something bad happens, and I shoot back to my usual four to six smokes a day.  This is the first time since I was 17 that I have not had a cigarette for a full day... let alone three days! 

These past three days have been difficult, but less so than I expected.  The best part is, I don't physically crave it.  I have more problems with my mental attachment than physical cravings.  I haven't even been grouchy due to nicotine withdrawals or anything. 

I was always told that you really have to WANT to quit in order to do so.  I never had wanted to before, perhaps aiding in my previous failures to quit.  But there are a lot of reasons that I should quit.  Of course, my own health is one of them.  And I want to have a family in the future.  Not to mention I want to stick around for the family I already have.  So for all these reasons and more, I remind myself of what I am gaining when I refuse to have a smoke.

What helped you drop a habit you may have had?

Spring Break is Over, and Wedding Season is still Going Strong

Well, I had all these blogging intentions for Spring Break, none of which were met.  Here are the things we DID do:

* attended an awesome wedding at an art gallery (technically, this was a week ago, but hey...)
* saw the Purdue Glee Club rock it out at a local church, where my brother sang to me and then gave my mom his Lavalear (I probably misspelled that, but it's a necklace with the PMO logo man on it; the guys get two in their senior year.  One is for their moms, the other for their future wives.)
* got clearance to go to the Pentagon to see the Glee Club perform there, too!  Awesome!
* tried to get into the Spring Cleaning mode, and barely succeeded.  At least we can use the kitchen table again, and the dishes and laundry are almost all clean.
* acted as DD for St. Patty's day after cleaning all day and referring to myself as "working Irish".
* sang a bad Traditional Irish version of Finnegan's Wake at karaoke at a local bar.
* found homes for some more Christmas stuff that has patiently been waiting to leave it's gift bag.
* was interviewed for a local TV channel about the art gallery I work at's current exhibit.  I am awful on film.

Bear had to work, even though I was mostly off work, at least from the college, and he was thoughtful and left the MiFi for me to use.  Unfortunately, I didn't notice this, and assumed that he took our internet, and therefore decided to just clean the house.  HA.

So, let's go back to last weekend and see Mel + Zack's awesome wedding spectacular!  They were married at the American Visionary Art Museum in Baltimore.  Bear and I attended one other wedding there before, and it truly is an awesome venue!



Mel is Jewish, so they were married under a canopy and partially in Yiddish.  I am sad to say my knowledge of Yiddish is unremarkable, so I only understood maybe a tenth of what was said prior to the English translation.  The night started out with a cocktail hour where everyone got a drink, listened to the quartet (same group we had!) and caught up with the bridal party and bride and groom.  Then we trouped down to the ceremony space on the main floor, where the wedding took place.  Mel switched out of her cute short white party dress into a stunning bridal gown.  I loved the flowers; they had little LED lights in them!  The couple is a fun-loving sort, and had whimsy, color, and sugar throughout the whole event.  It was super cute, but still classy.  The reception was wild, people were jumping around the dance floor until I was afraid the floor would break!  Lots of dancing and laughter for all.  I loved dancing in a large circle around the couple, which is a traditional Jewish dance the name of which escapes me, but it offered a real sense of camaraderie.  It was truly a wonderful wedding, and we wish them all the best (they are off in Disney right now, on their last day of honeymooning)!































And, look who caught the (sock) bouquet!





I'll come back with our adventures through Fells Point the day after the wedding tomorrow!

xo

Holiday Spirit

It's difficult for me to focus on the holidays... I've been so busy with wedding wedding wedding I realized I have to get on holiday gifts!  Oops!  To get me back on track, I am stealing this little questionnaire from Patchie's post today!  Happy December 1st!





1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?


Hot chocolate, I guess... but honestly, I prefer coffee and cognac. Yum.


2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?


Santa always wrapped presents unless they were really big things, like bicycles or Playmobile sets, in which case they were set up and ready to wow!


3. Colored lights on tree/house or white?


I prefer white lights, especially the cool white LEDs. If there are colored lights, I prefer blues.


4. Do you hang mistletoe?


Yes! We have this mistletoe from Bear's past that we always forget to tack up, and then it manages to stay up until June... right between the living room and the kitchen. Lots of kisses for all!

5. When do you put your decorations up?


We usually try for Black Friday, but this year is so hectic... we're hoping to get things decorated before Christmas!


6. What is your favorite holiday dish?


Ham and veggie bundles (carrots and green beans wrapped in bacon and baked in a brown sugar/butter/garlic glaze... ohmyyum!).


7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child?


When I was in eighth grade, my family and I went to Williamsburg for Christmas season, and were coming back home Christmas day. My brother is three years my junior, so he was still a Santa fan. I was totally concerned how he would handle coming home to a bare tree since my parents were with us... no way "Santa" would be able to make it! When we got home I rushed inside, trying rather unsuccessfully to beat my brother up the stairs. His Santa enthusiasm gave him super strength! I was bracing myself for the tears and a long explanation, but instead heard the usual Christmas morning "Santa came! Come on, Santa was here!" I climbed the stairs and low and behold, the gifts were all under the tree, festooned with "Santa" tags. It was like a Christmas miracle! (Later I found out my parents had given some friends the gifts and keys to the house, and their family spent the time we were gone wrapping and setting up our tree for my little brother... awesome!)


8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?


I was in the third grade. I liked to help out in the library after school (some things never change) and I was super excited about the Christmas season that year. Someone in my class told me Santa didn't exist, and I determined to research the matter and prove them wrong. What I found after finding "The Truth About Santa" in the card catalog broke my heart. There was the approximated lifespan of St. Nicholas, and a photograph of a gravestone decked out in holly by the locals. I cried for DAYS. My mom explained that Santa is real, but he's more a frame of mind than a man. She also let me be an "elf" that year. I got to put together my brother's big Santa present. Watching him get excited over the Playmobile castle I helped build the next morning made it all okay that the library book told me Santa Claus was dead. That year I learned that seeing my brother happy like that was magical enough for me!


9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?


Yes, ONE gift. It's usually from my godparents. Now, we get Christmas night pajamas, a tradition in Bear's family.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree?


Currently, we are using Bear's grandmother's white tree. Last year we did a silver and blue theme, with blue and ice white LED lights. This year, I am thinking of layering some fun colors in a rainbow effect...

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it?


I love to look at snow and catch flakes on my tongue... but it gets old really fast! I hate driving in it, because I tend to get lost in my Star Wars soundtrack... it looks so much like lightspeed from Star Wars or Star Trek! Cool... but not easy to focus through...

12. Can you ice skate?


I haven't tried in so long, I have no idea. I have a pair of ice skate I bought from the Local Theatre a few years back that wound up too big for me (and probably still are). I am the master of skate-skate-fall-flail-wait for someone to rescue me.


13. Do you remember your favorite gift?


Every year Bear and I split Christmas between our families. We go to Christmas Eve mass with my family, return to their home and open presents, and go back to our home so we can wake up early and have Christmas morning with his family. Last year, Christmas with my family ran a little longer than usual and Bear was getting antsy. I figured he was exhausted and maybe even a little angry that we were going home so late. When we got home I went to put a few things away and came back to the bedroom where Bear had gone. Our Christmas tree is in there since we have cats and try to keep them away from the tree. He was standing next to the tree with his arms open. I walked into his embrace and he professed his love... a little odd but cute. Then he got down on one knee and proposed. My ring I guess is the gift in this situation, but I think more our future life together was the real gift I received.

14. What’s the most important thing about the Holidays for you?


Family. Spending time with those you love and showing your appreciation for them.

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert?


Gingerbread, Scottish Shortbread, and Snickerdoodles!

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition?


Every year, we watch those Christmas stop motions; Rudolph, Frosty, Baby New Year, Father Time, Eon, the Island of Misfit Toys, Hermes the Dental Elf... these are all well loved friends this time of year!

17. What tops your tree?

My parents have an angel. Bear's parents have a star. We change it up every year.

18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving?


I love giving gifts and see the recipient's face light up! But... getting things is pretty fun too!

19. Candy Canes: Yuck or Yum?


YUM.

20. Favorite Christmas show? Show or movie?


Holiday Inn and White Christmas, both starring Bing Crosby. I love Bing... we listen to his holiday songs on 45s every year while decorating!

21. Saddest Christmas Song?


Blue Christmas or I'll Be Home for Christmas.

22. What is your favorite Christmas song?


White Christmas. Hands down.

Becoming a Quitter...

I have been a fairly heavy smoker since my eighteenth birthday.  My day usually consists of: get up, have a cigarette, eat something, have a cigarette, drive somewhere, smoke the entire time I am driving, get to work, have a cigarette every two hours, drive home smoking, get home, have a cigarette with Bear, eat dinner, have a cigarette, go to bed.

See?  Heavy smoker.  And I am trying to quit which is the hardest thing I have ever undertook in my life.  My day now is: get up, talk myself out of a cigarette, have breakfast, watch TV and do laundry to ignore urge for cigarette, drive in car with windows up and sing along to music to avoid urge for cigarette, go to work and find interesting things on internet instead of having cigarette, chew gum, have dinner at work and read a magazine rather than run out for... you guessed it... a cigarette, drive home with windows up again and more music, get home, have a snack, get involved in some sort of activity until I fall asleep so as to avoid smoking.



I can't wait until my day doesn't consist of me thinking about cigarettes every ten minutes!  I can't wait until I get up and have breakfast and play piano for an hour or something and go through a whole entire day without the word "cigarette" crossing my mind once.  Because, as an addict, the mental desire to have one is so much more than the physical need to have one.

Do I sometimes cave and have one?  Yes.  But so far this LAST EVER pack of smokes has lasted me six days.  This is incredible for your average just-under-a-pack-a-day smoker!  Some of you have no idea.  Some of you do.  I am so proud of myself for doing so well!

I know myself, and knew cold turkey was not the way to go at it... I would only stress out and give in in the long run.  Sure, this way is longer and I feel guilty when I do have a cigarette, but I let it go and try not to look back.  By next week, I will hopefully be an Ex!

Anyone else trying to kick a habit?

xo

The Races!

On Friday we attended a "derby with an art centre flair" for my one-day-a-week art gallery job.  It was a blast!  I was a bit confused at first, since the event was held at the Local Events Hall... how were horses involved in that?!?!  I mean, usually the place is a Bingo hall or high school reunion center, so factoring in horses was impossible to imagine.  I thought maybe it would be like The Triplets of Belleville, but it was simpler than that!




First, the local group of carousel horse artisans brought some of their works which were painted by members of the Art Centre to lend to the ambiance.  One of the carousel creatures was this boar/pig thing with pretty incredible tusks!  I got a kick out of him!  I once had the privilege of being at their "studio", which is really the "dining room" of this one house... FULL of chisels and huge blocks of wood with horse heads and front legs springing from them.  It was amazing.  Maybe I can go back sometime and snap some pictures of that?!?  Their work is truly impressive and makes me want to strike it rich and hire them to make me a whole working carousel for my personal enjoyment.  And as a massive photoshoot prop.  Think what that would add to family and kid portraits!!!




Anyway, we soon learned that the premise of the "race" was that a "jockey" picked out a  stick horse and wore a sign with the appropriate gate number for the steed they were riding and stood on the corresponding numbered box on the floor.  The floor was taped into a giant grid, eight squares across (one for each gate) and five squares deep (five squares to the finish line).  A guy using a Bingo ball roller randomly pulled the numbers for the horses and whoever was called moved forward a space.  This continued until the winning horse advanced all five spaces.





The event ran three hours and included a buffet dinner that was actually pretty delicious.  The veggies were the best!  There was a cash bar and included coffee, tea, and water for underagers and non-drinkers.  One member is also a candy maker and made hundreds of chocolate horseshoes for every guest to take home!




I bought Bear a horse he named "Lucky Strikes"... who wasn't so lucky, it turns out... even after I slated him in the third race in the third gate (three is my lucky number)!  Those who were luckier than we received a $50 purse every time their horse won, and anyone who bet on a winning horse was put into the big drawing for a $500 grand prize.  The woman who won the big drawing wound up having a choice between the money and a donated painting worth $1200... and took the money and ran.  So the painting will be the drawing prize for our holiday gala.





The whole experience was new and a ton of fun for us!  Do you have a job or belong to an organization that does some sort of creative benefit annually?  I'd love to hear what kinds of functions other groups may have!




Happy Tuesday!

xo